Every now and then I have some aspiring photographer or another offer to work for me for free so they can learn to be a photographer or something. So basically, volunteer unpaid intern. The concept of not paying someone to do something you find valuable enough to need to be done… not cool. I have control issues anyway and beans to pay anyone but me, so I turn them down.
This one I couldn’t turn down.
So I created a position for him, since… well… pick your battles. He’s not getting a magnetic name tag for bridal shows just yet, that’s all I’m sayin.
Because Squirt typically has the attention span of a mentally impaired gnat, I thought I’d go ahead and post current internship job description for anyone considering applying once he gets bored.
Title of Internship: Inturd
Full or Part Time: Whatever
- Try to climb in my lap while I’m typing or editing, despite me telling you otherwise. Half fall-half side between my right elbow and leg under the desk Mufasa death scene style, crack head trying to get up and then blame me for it
- Redistribute office supplies all over the house
- Test studio samples in methods usually left to the lab coat guys and their crash dummies on TV car commercials
- Repeatedly ask me if I’m going to catch the kitchen on fire again
- Repeatedly ask me if you can play games on my phone because you didn’t poop in the floor today
- And then pee on the peace lily when I’m not looking
- Make trains out of things that are not trains
- Smash cheese between floorboards
- Mom. Mom. Mom. Mommy. Mommy. Mom. Maaaa. Maaaaa. Maaaaa. MOM. MOM. MOMMY. MOOOOOOM…
- Fuck up the blinds
- Answer the door butt nekkid when any client arrives for their pickup appointments over 30 minute early and I’m out of the room.
Qualifications: Absolutely none.
So… I expect a line outside my door in the morning. I’ll be here early because I didn’t get anything done today because somehow I spent most of my dedicated office time doing surprise mom shit and driving all over the damn county. SURPRISE THERE GOES YOUR SATURDAY MORNING ON THAT ONE SATURDAY YOU HAVE ALL FALL THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OFF. And go dawgs.