My son turned a year old yesterday. He wasn’t a planned baby. He was the “one got past the goalie somehow” baby. It took a lot of work to reroute my entire life and come to terms with the fact he was on his way. It took a lot of work to get him here, and then a lot of waiting for us to take him home from the NICU.
It seems like there should be some sort of profound thought about the passage of time, how ephemeral everything really is, fleeting moments and the power of photography… something like that. But I got nothing. After going through my photos from the past year all I can do is just sort of sit here, dumbfounded.
I watch him when he sleeps. He’ll roll over and do this little content lip smack, cross his little feet and tuck them under him, butt up in the air. Something about right then I know that my business has no room to fail.
I don’t know many professional photographers – especially professional photojournalists – who are also mothers. It just seems like something that doesn’t go together. In my area, it seems most mom photographers (momtogs, as I call us) are you know, the Debbie Digitals. It’s a side gig for them.
My business is only a side job in the way that my primary job is taking care of him. It isn’t extra income, it’s what’s going to help pay for his cardiologist, his audiologist and his allergist, and all his medicines. If I’m lucky and don’t screw this up it’s also going to pay for his swimming lessons, Tonka trucks and DVDs of that Mickey Mouse show he goes apeshit for.
I took about nine months off after Squirt was born just to take care of him, and I’m just now trying to get my business up and off the ground. Everything about it is nerve wracking. I am confident in my photography. I am not confident in my business skills. Some nights, despite being completely whooped, I stay up wondering how the hell I’m going to pull it off.
All I know for certain is that I have no room for failure. I may not have a clue what I’m doing, but I’m going to fail faster, I’m going to figure it out, and despite the odds, I will manage to run a successful business and take care of my boy, all without completely losing my mind. That being said… I’ve got work to do. So, balls to the wall.
Happy Birthday, Squirt. Life is amazing. I hope you make your photos count.